None of us here thought we would be where we are in our lives at age 40s, 50s or 60s but yet, here we stand, divorced, kids, angry ex-spouse and dating again. This whole scenario has disappointment and frustration written all over it but here is a little dose of reality: Disappointment is inevitable and with the wrong perspective, frustration is sure to follow.
Webster defines frustration as “the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of the inability to change or achieve something.” We have our plan, it’s not going the way we want it to so what do we do? We try and force it. You are interested in someone but that person is not interested in you so you try to force a relationship that clearly is not in the plan. And then the inevitable creeps in … frustration.
At that point, we are forgetting that our plan might not jive with God’s plan. We are living our lives and making choices based on our will and not His. Wrong move! Here is a point I would like for you to remember, when you are frustrated, it is because you are not walking in faith. Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
If we are constantly walking in faith, then we have the mindset of trusting that God has our back and if something doesn’t work out, than it is in our best interest. Hebrews 11:1 (New Living translation) reads: “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”
Dating can be difficult for a variety of reasons but don’t get jaded. If you have been divorced and are back in the dating world and relationships haven’t worked out, take on a different perspective. One that says, “God has a plan,” “God is bringing me closer to the kind of relationship I really need,” “I am opening myself up to what He has planned for me,” and “Good things take time and I’m walking in faith.”
Don’t get frustrated in God’s timing. I read a quotation once that said, “Faith in God includes faith in His timing.” They go hand in hand so stop knocking on a door that has been closed or better yet, has been slammed and bolted from the other side. Don’t waste another minute on someone who you think is ‘perfect’ for you but God knows otherwise, move on in faith. Habakkuk 2:3 says “For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end — it will not lie. If it seems slow wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay.”
Sometimes, to gain a new perspective, we have to step away from our daily routines, take a deep breath and regroup. For me, being in nature is the key to getting my mind clear so I can hear God’s words of wisdom and encouragement. I know what God has planned for me can only be seen with my eyes of faith.
Debbie Martinez is a certified Mindful Life Coach specializing in divorce, a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator, Florida Supreme Court Qualified Arbitrator, Parent Coordinator and trained in Collaborative Divorce both in Florida and South Carolina; she also writes for The Florida Villager and is a contributor to The Huffington Post. She may be reached via Debbie@transformationthrudivorce.com and her website is www.transformationthrudivorce.com.